Self-Control (Or Lack Thereof)

Oh why oh why am I so slow to learn?

Slow to anger, slow to speak, why can't I be slow with these things?

I am totally embarrassed at my behavior, so immature, so childlike sometimes.

Last night someone said something to me that I felt was really unfair and unjustified. So I reacted. I jumped down my poor friend's throat and ruined the rest of what had previously been a nice night. I felt stupid and embarrassed at how I over-reacted. Saying something would've been ok, overreacting: not ok. Unable to flip a switch on my emotion I went to bed feeling feeling pretty rotten. Oh, and woke up that way too.

It all comes down to this: self-control. This is a fruit of God's spirit that I know is mine by the rights I have as a child of the King. His spirit is alive in me, and so with that I know and am assured in His word that I bear the same fruit

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
Galations 5:22-23

I find myself struggling over and over again in this area. Sometimes it's not controlling my emotions and reactions, other times it's participating in the gossip. Many times it's not being able to stop at one cinnabon, or half the bag of chips. You know what I'm talking about. A lack of self-control always ends in regret. Oh how I love cinnabons, but I overdue it almost every time. I know that I can't handle two without feeling totally disgusting after. Or this time of year it's chocolate (mini eggs) for most of us. I went through a season in which I refused to be a slave to anything and totally eradicated sugar out of my life. We now have treats every so often, but lately I haven't been able to handle even that.

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Or maybe I'm trying too hard. When I get in a rut like this it's SO easy for me to beat myself up over my mistakes. I focus on them until they consume most of my thinking. That's dangerous.

Wanna know the Truth? I am not perfect (I hear you gasping). I'm dirty and awfully sinful by my nature. I love myself and my flesh wants to satisfy itself alone. That's the yucky weed in me. But this is all very timely for me as we enter into Easter weekend. I know I'm sinful. I know alone I am nothing good. That's why I am so desperate for a Savior. I need to be saved from myself and the ugliness that surrounds me, lingering around like a black smoke seeking to rob and destroy (yes, like in Lost!) all who let it.

But I do the sacrifice of God in Christ, and Christ himself a great injustice when I take it all upon myself. He came to set us FREE, free from the chains that enslave us. Free from sin. Free from darkness!

So I will shift the focus off of myself and on to Christ. I am turning my focus to the cross. To the nail-pierced hands. To the miraculous, saving grace of a merciful, loving Heavenly Father who took my sin upon himself. I bring myself to the cross. I throw down these chains that so easily entangle me. And as I sink my roots down into good soil I know that there is and will living water to nourish me, and that there is and will be fruit on my tree.