Prepping The Boy

The moment my son was born I knew.

I knew why there is often friction between the new wife and the mother-in-law.

If you have a son, you know. If you don't, let me tell you.

I love my girls more than life itself. I cherish my relationship with them deeper than I ever imagined possible. As they grow I look forward to becoming more and more their friend as they transition into adulthood. One day, should they choose to get married I will be happy for them and nothing will really change in our relationship. I hope we will only become closer friends.

But with Landon I know my time is limited. Right now I'm his world. He knows it, I know it, everyone knows it. I'm his Mama. I carried him in my womb, birthed him, nursed him, cuddle him every day and kiss all his "ouch"s away. And believe me, I am savoring every day because I know that he will grow up too. And though nothing will every change or replace these years, and though I will always be his Mommy, I also know that if he chooses, then one day he may also get married. When that day comes that he finds the woman to pledge his life to, then he is hers. She gets him. His heart is hers. She takes the rightful place of the woman in his life - and rightly so.

So with this knowledge I begin my efforts to prepare him for her. To be a man of God that will honor and cherish his wife. That he will learn now to share, to communicate, to express, to give, to sacrifice, to respect.

But really guys? C'mon, you're not even 2 years old!!!!!

I guess I will have to kick it into high gear! Landon, please make us breakfast:

(and dear son, do it with a smile!)

Hey Bud Bud, can you help out around the house please?
(I actually didn't even need to ask, he just did it - isn't that what all women want?)

Please stoke the fire

and do the dishes.

And dear, precious future daughter-in-law: know that I also love you too and pray for you now.
Dear dear mother-in-law: thank you for teaching your son well and loving me too! You're always still Nate's Mama.

P.S. The little girl Landon is puckering up for is Ellie. This is a note to her Daddy: Ross, we have officially taught Landon to call you "Ross Sir", which comes out "Rosser" :) and the girls are teaching him to say, "Yes sir Ross sir!"

If God Is So Great and God Is So Good, Then Why?

It amazes me how many people recite a prayer before a meal. It amazes me even more how much fun it can be: "Thank you Lord, you are the giver. Thank you Lord this ain't liver!" or "Good bread, good meat, Good Lord, let's eat!" I chuckle writing this, though we'd never say it at our house (but might at someone else's just for the reaction).

Most of us, however, have probably said that classic prayer around the dinner table at some point in our lives that goes like this: "God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for this food. In Jesus' name, Amen".

Likewise, all of us at some point find ourselves in the midst of trials and suffering. Pain is a fact of life (and like my Pastor said on Sunday, if you haven't encountered much suffering yet - hope you're enjoying the ride so far, because it's coming, I promise!).

And so, have you ever asked the question: "If God is great, and God is good, then why...?" If so, you're not alone. People have been asking this for centuries, including yours truly.

One of the greatest minds ever to have put a pen to paper, in my opinion, is C.S. Lewis. He wrote a book entitled The Problem of Pain. Clive says,

“If God were good, he would wish to make his creatures perfectly happy, and if God were almighty he would be able to do what he wished. But the creatures are not happy. Therefore God lacks either the goodness, or power, or both”.

To answer this, he says, we need to look more closely at erroneous assumptions built into the words “all-powerful” and “good” when ascribed to God. I absolutely agree.

Here's the thing though. When we're hit with the 2x4 of life, we're not really thinking logically. No, we're thinking with our emotions (which sometimes isn't even thinking clearly at all!). Our souls cry out for a reason to make sense of it all. We feel so desperately that if we could just know WHY we have to walk this path of suffering, then we could make some sense of it. We would feel it could somehow be justified. We want to know there is at least a purpose for our tears, no?

So why not have these conversations before the circumstances of life come like a tidal wave and knock the wind out of us. Let's be real with each other, more vulnerable to ask the tough questions. Let's stop walking around refusing to deal with these sorts of questions we all have. That way, when we get the phone call from the Doctor; when we are betrayed by a friend; when we lose a child; when we can't pay the bills and have our home taken away; when the tsunami hits; when we are faced with the suffering that a sinful world promises - we will have some kind of an anchor. Something that we can hold unto, something to sustain us. Some reason to HOPE.

People are hurting (emotionally, financially, relationally, mentally). I'm going to just go through some logical points regarding suffering. In the end, you'll see we're just barely scratching the surface!

There are different categories of suffering:

Some suffering is deserved as a result of poor choices.
Some suffering is mysterious. There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or a reason and we just can not make sense of it.
Some suffering is undeserved. Some people are the victims of other people's bad choices. It's not fair and is unjustified.

These warrant a couple of responses to suffering:

Ignore – deny your own suffering, avoid the suffering of others, put a band-aid on it, try to forgive and forget never dealing with it.

Exalt – suffering becomes your identity; an all-consuming victim mentality that can be used to excuse and overlook sin, get to the roots.

Accept - we live in a broken world. Suffering happens.

Hope - that one day there WILL be justification and answers.

The bible is still relevant today. I like this:

"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble." 1 Peter 3:8

When Christians suffer it causes them to focus on what matters most.
Suffering enables Christians to show sympathy and compassion to others.
Suffering makes love among Christians possible.
Suffering cultivates tender hearts.
Suffering cultivates humble minds.

"Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."
1 Peter 3:9

The natural way to respond to evil is with evil.
The supernatural (gospel) way to respond to evil is with good.
At the heart of the gospel is a man dying to love his enemies.
It takes more courage, strength, and dignity to be like Christ than to instigate further evil.

And also, suffering makes God’s love tangible.

God sees your life, hears your prayer, opposes your enemies, blesses your suffering, and can remove your fear. He left the glory of Heaven to move into our neighborhood (John 1:14).

I want to encourage you if you are a Follower of Christ: suffer in such a way that you learn about Jesus and that other people may learn about Jesus too.
Many Christians are good at winning arguments but could care less about winning people. Build respect and trust with people, and answer their questions with humility and honesty.
People want to see if Christianity works, as demonstrated in relationships and community.
Suffering allows us to be a humble, loving, considerate, respectful, gentle people that embody the gospel.

If you don't consider yourself a Christian or Follower of Christ, I hope you don't just think I'm some bible-thumper. I hope I don't come across that way! I do hope that you can just see this is what makes sense to me. Without hope, without some purpose beyond making money and children (neither of which I can enjoy from the grave) there would be no point to my life. My search for something more than this here and now life has led me to my conclusions.

Let me just say this: I love talking about this stuff, ("really?!" you say!). If you want to have coffee, PLEASE let me know! Let's talk about these realities of life. You want coffee? I'll buy you coffee. You want a venti chai tea latte? I'll give you a venti.

But if you decide not to take me up on the offer, allow me the opportunity to say this.

God is so far beyond us we actually can't even comprehend it. Try it. Try closing your eyes and imagining NOTHING. Can you do it? Try, seriously, to think of NOTHING. Imagine a world of nothing - nope, you're still imagining a world. Ok, take away the world - now imagine nothing. Did you do it? No, because you saw outer space. Try again. How's it going. Does your mind go a little crazy for a moment? That's because YOU CAN'T because there is no such thing and deep inside you your spirit knows it.

But if nothing else, cling to this: there IS hope.


The promise of heaven, at times, is all that's kept me going. It's the only thing that has given me strengths in my darkest moments. Without hope, it's all pointless. I can't live a pointless life, can you?


**Mars Hill Church has a great sermon series called Trial that I really recommend and took some notes on and used in this post.

"It's Plain Not Fair"

She's angry. She's hurt. She feels betrayed somehow. "Why are they leaving?"

Oh baby girl, mommy knows.

The last month and a half has been a little tougher on the more emotional of the household.

It feels like we've lost our best friends. Probably because we sort-of have.

One moved across town, another moved across the freak'n ocean. And next year we'll lose another special family - hopefully they will still be in the province.
Oh, and most recently, to top it off Nana left for Florida last week. (Not for too long though!)

While I am happy for new homes and new adventures, and while we encourage our children to share in the joys of their friends as we do, we can't tell them and won't encourage them to deny what they are feeling.

It's hard. It's hard to not be able to just pick up a phone, or run down the street. It's hard to not see some of the most important people in your life as often as you used to. It's hard adjusting to a new normal. But that's life. Life goes on. Of course life goes on. But while it's going on, there is some adjusting.

Tonight Larissa was feeling angry. She said, "I feel angry that Nana left. Why doesn't she like cold weather? It's plain not fair and I feel angry. Christmas is NOT coming soon." What followed was some emotion that wasn't really just about Nana leaving. The goodbye's are catching up with her. They are starting to really catch up with me too.

I've been realizing how my flesh wants to deal with my hurt. If my flesh had it's way I would totally binge on that Costco-sized bag of Miss Vicky's, buy myself that $40 bra I really want AND the leather couch, drink a little more coffee and another glass of red wine, and a nice cigar. But I'm not all flesh; I am mind and Spirit also.

Common sense knows better. Spirit really knows better.
I don't need debt, a hangover or 10 extra pounds. And wisdom tells me that I would still feel the same if I indulged myself. The Spirit inside me knows that life is full of changes and that while life has a bit of a different flavor recently, it's ok.

It's ok because change can be a good thing. We trust that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him - and we definitely do. He cares about the hurts we feel, the loneliness in our hearts, the questions we have - and it's good and right to work through all those things. We can experience sadness while still having joy in our hearts. It doesn't make sense, so we often walk either in habitual sadness or denial of it in pursuit of joy. I have both - life is both wonderfully good and yet I taste the melancholy. So we're going with it. And walking with our babies as they learn that life isn't all play and princesses, but that they can trust their constant, reliable, dependable Heavenly Father. He promises to never leave us or forsake us! What a promise!

And here comes that joy....

"It's Plain Not Fair"

She's angry. She's hurt. She feels betrayed somehow. "Why are they leaving?"

Oh baby girl, mommy knows.

The last month and a half has been a little tougher on the more emotional of the household.

It feels like we've lost our best friends. Probably because we sort-of have.

One moved across town, another moved across the freak'n ocean. And next year we'll lose another special family - hopefully they will still be in the province.
Oh, and most recently, to top it off Nana left for Florida last week. (Not for too long though!)

While I am happy for new homes and new adventures, and while we encourage our children to share in the joys of their friends as we do, we can't tell them and won't encourage them to deny what they are feeling.

It's hard. It's hard to not be able to just pick up a phone, or run down the street. It's hard to not see some of the most important people in your life as often as you used to. It's hard adjusting to a new normal. But that's life. Life goes on. Of course life goes on. But while it's going on, there is some adjusting.

Tonight Larissa was feeling angry. She said, "I feel angry that Nana left. Why doesn't she like cold weather? It's plain not fair and I feel angry. Christmas is NOT coming soon." What followed was some emotion that wasn't really just about Nana leaving. The goodbye's are catching up with her. They are starting to really catch up with me too.

I've been realizing how my flesh wants to deal with my hurt. If my flesh had it's way I would totally binge on that Costco-sized bag of Miss Vicky's, buy myself that $40 bra I really want AND the leather couch, drink a little more coffee and another glass of red wine, and a nice cigar. But I'm not all flesh; I am mind and Spirit also.

Common sense knows better. Spirit really knows better.
I don't need debt, a hangover or 10 extra pounds. And wisdom tells me that I would still feel the same if I indulged myself. The Spirit inside me knows that life is full of changes and that while life has a bit of a different flavor recently, it's ok.

It's ok because change can be a good thing. We trust that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him - and we definitely do. He cares about the hurts we feel, the loneliness in our hearts, the questions we have - and it's good and right to work through all those things. We can experience sadness while still having joy in our hearts. It doesn't make sense, so we often walk either in habitual sadness or denial of it in pursuit of joy. I have both - life is both wonderfully good and yet I taste the melancholy. So we're going with it. And walking with our babies as they learn that life isn't all play and princesses, but that they can trust their constant, reliable, dependable Heavenly Father. He promises to never leave us or forsake us! What a promise!

And here comes that joy....