Can I just honestly say how much I love the honestly that comes after a couple of glasses of wine? I truley think that Jesus was on to something when he turned water into wine. When maintaining control, within a "safe" group of friends I truly believe that much good can from the fellowship of believers coming together.

Tonight I reconnected with my best friend. I learned that we haven't talked for a few weeks because life just happens, and because she flet embarrased for vaccinating her precious little one.
For those of you who know me, PLEASE, I beg of you, I do not judge you at all for vaccinating your children. What I respect is parents who educate themselves. Do your research; go to seminars, listen to experts, and then make your decision based on your knowledge! We need to be educated parents and make our decision based on what we think is right, and best for our child(ren).

Do I believe that all the crap put into vaccines causes a sensititivity reaction in at least some small children? Of course I do! WIll I respect you if you gather all of the research that you can and make an enducated decicion? Of course I wll! And likewise I hope you will do the same for me!

Hey, if you choose to vaccinate your child after going as far as it depends on you to be a well-informed parent, then I respect that. Whether it's my choice or not, I give you my respect. I may not have reached the same conclusion, but I respect you.

THAT is what parenting is. It is doing your VERY BEST to be a good steward with the precious gifts that God has given you as parents to the children He has bestowed you with. So educate yourself in every way you can and make the very best decisions you know how to make, praying for wisdom from Heaven with every step.

And from one Mama to another, I am here for you!!!!
xoxxo

I'm Choosing Church Over church Today.

It's 7:30am, Nate has to leave for worship and I'm just getting out of the shower. Landon is just waking up, girls are just finishing their breakfast. Landon needs fed, changed, dressed, fed again, and changed again. The girls are big enough to go to the bathroom on their own and get dressed mostly on their own. They need some help and of course supervision, and as any mom of young ones knows, sometimes it's just easier for mama and much much faster when we can just do it all for them! And then there's me. I need to dress, do something with the mop on my head and try with all my might not to forget to feed myself. Those blood sugar crashes are horrible in the middle of church.

There was a time when I would find this a wee bit overwhelming (when I had two little ones who couldn't do anything for themselves. That was hard). Getting ready for church, by myself, was a struggle for me. Half the time (literally) I'd sigh, suck it up, put on a smile and go to do my Christian volunteer duty at church, all while hating every minute of Sunday mornings alone. Day of rest? Puh, 'rest' my you-know-what.

I've come along way since those days. Mostly because I've been seeking Jesus, not church the institution or the approval of it's leaders. I've also learned how to say 'no' a little better and have healthier boundaries for myself in terms of making time comittments. And if I'm a little late to church, nobody can tell me that I am dishonoring God (yes, I've actually been told that), so I don't allow guilt to control me anymore.

This morning we were all ready and looking forward to connecting with our friends at Church and worshiping our God. But Little Boy was so miserable. He was so tired. He didn't want up, he didn't want down. He didn't want to eat and he sure didn't want to play. Sometimes I make him just come a long and use his easy-going self to our family's advantage. But sometimes it's just not fair to expect him to cater to our routines; sometimes we need to cater to his. So in the midst of debating to go or not to go, I sighed and said to myself, "Today I'm choosing Church over church".

See, with three little ones we just can't always do it all. And often we try, but sometimes the answer just has to be 'no'. Today we have a lunch planned with a couple that we haven't connected with in far too long. We love and respect this older, wiser, Godly family more than words can express. I knew that if I made Landon come to church, lunch would be forfeited. So we're choosing the close fellowship with friends over the corprate worship experience. We're reading bible stories and watching Veggie Tales instead of "Sunday School" story, coloring bible sheets and playing at church. I'm blogging and reading and reflecting, and this is my time with God. (And of course, that's not to say being at church would be wrong. Today is just different).

Some go to church because they feel obligated and guilty if they don't: both motives hold them captive.

Some go to church because they love the feeling they get from making the system "work". That just appeals to the ego and focuses on selfish needs instead of on the ever-present Christ.

Perhaps some have found a Church where community is authentic, worship is genuine, and they are free from the shackles of religion. Awesome!

I'm just seeking God. I thrive on the community of other followers of Christ where I can be exactly who I am. Where I can love and be loved and share my journey and in the journey of others.

"Our life in God, shared together, expresses itself as the Church; It is the overflow of his life in us. You can tinker with church principles forever and still miss out on what it means to live deeply in Father's love and know how to share it with others". -Jake Colesen

(And now let me note that I am posting this without proof-reading it since I gotta go but want to share it!)

A Good Day

Simply put: Today was a good day.

On Thursdays Nate doesn't leave for work until 9:30am, so it's nice to have him home for a bit in the morning. This morning he let me sleep in until 8 o'clock, when I awoke to the smell of cinnamon french toast, bacon and coffee. None of which I had to make. (sorry there are no pictures, it was gone before I could get the camera!)

Then I checked my little man's mouth. He's been working on a couple of bottom teeth now for quite some time. He's nearly a year and has no teeth (following in suit of Mommy and two older sisters). But he will have teeth for his first birthday! They have officially come through the skin now and maybe the boy can eat some of the food he so desperately wants!

Shortly after breakfast we had a delightful visit from the Princess and her frog.

Followed by an exhilarating gym class! The girls had their first gymnastics class TOGETHER today. They were very excited to be together.


Do you notice who is NOT in the picture? Me. I'm not there anymore.
Olivia is still technically Parent and Tot, which I had every intention of selfishly keeping her in for one more session to absorb every chance I get to be in the gym for special time with her. But she insisted on being with her big sis and the big girls and there was no denying that she is ready for it. She was bored last session and needed to be a little more challenged. I wasn't totally sure how she would do, but I am very proud (as per usual). She listened, followed instructions, and kept up with the other girls. Mama shed some tears when she took off into the gym and didn't look back. It's hard to let go. It's not easy watching my babies grow up. But that's my job. Our goal as parents is to raise our children to be responsible, loving adults who contribute as individuals to their society. All these little baby steps are a necessary part of that equation to independence. So even though I know it's good and right, it doesn't make it any easier. *sigh*

After lunch we came home with Nana (just home from Florida!) and our friends not only came over to share their company with us, but brought lunch! I didn't have to cook it or pay for it! Double bonus blessing!

Tonight was also my first night back coaching gymnastics since having Landon. I'm not in too often yet, just a couple of hours. But it's fun and I love it. It felt good to be there again. After bath and bed, here I am! A nice way to end my day.

Everyone is healthy, we have food, shelter, clean water, love and eachother. And tonight I will lay down and shnuggle my best friend. It is a good day indeed.

I love full days, but I'm exhausted! Good night!

Free At Last, Without Baggage

Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Oh be careful little ears what you hear
For the Father up above is looking down in love
So be careful little eyes/ears what you see/hear.

Do you know that song? Did you ever sing it at Sunday School, or in your house? Please, let me share with you why I hate that song:

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how our little pickle-in-the-middle has been learning about telling the truth (see previous post Liar Liar Pants On Fire if you care to read more about that). I’ve been wanting to blog more about that ever since that post.

One day when I was trying to explain to Olivia why we need to tell the truth, I said the same, typical things that I normally say. We talk about what is right and wrong and that God is love and wants what is best for us. Therefore, he gives us “rules” to obey because they are for our own good because He loves us. We have explained that lying is something that hurts people etc. and that’s why God says to tell the truth.

For some reason, however, I found myself telling her things that I was told (from various sources) growing up. I explained to her that when we do things that disobey God, that is sin. I told her that sin makes our hearts dirty. She has an understanding of Jesus and that he died on the cross to make our hearts clean and give us a home in heaven. So telling her that sin makes her heart dirty made sense to her. Of course then we talked about asking God to make her heart clean again.

Almost immediately after I said it, I felt sick. And I felt something heavy in my spirit. I carried that with me for a day or so, replaying our little talk over and over again. Eventually I realized it was because I told her something that although I had believed most of my life, I now see such error in. Simply put: I don’t believe that we make our hearts dirty (again) with sin. I don’t believe that our value is based on performance. And I never, ever want to convey that it is to our kids.

Now, some of you who have grown up in the Church and have always believed this to be the case, please hear me out before you write me off!

When Christ died on that cross, he paid the debt for ALL my sin. He didn’t die just for the sin that I acknowledge or seek forgiveness on. I could never confess it all! What does that do to us when we think we have to keep our hearts “clean”? It keeps us performance-driven. For years I would fall asleep asking God to ‘forgive all my sins today’, because I wanted that clean heart. I didn’t always know what I was asking forgiveness for, but surely I needed it. I wanted to stay in God’s “good books”, if that makes sense.

These last few years I’ve been on a real journey learning that forgiveness is a way of life; not an event. God is not a divine policeman waiting to catch me with his radar gun. You can’t foster a relationship with someone that is always checking your performance to make sure it’s adequate enough to merit your friendship.

Most of us are familiar with the song mentioned above. When you sing it, what happens? You think of things that your eyes have seen that the Father would disapprove of. It made you feel bad (maybe as a kid I mean), but did it keep you from doing it? That’s the worst thing that religion does my friend. While we are thinking about words like ‘father’ and ‘love’, we are feeling guilty and distanced from him. We use guilt (in songs like that) to conform behavior, all the while never realizing that same guilt will keep us far from our loving Father shoving us away in times of need instead of liberating us to run to him! The focus is on us and our awfulness and not on God and his goodness and graciousness. He understands our inadequacy and wants to meet us in our sinfulness and transform us to be his children, not based on our efforts but his!

See, that’s the truth. And that’s why Christ died.

As a parent, if there is one thing I want my children to know is that they are loved. Period. They are loved by a father who knows everything about them and loves them completely. Not because they have earned it or even deserve it.

And so we talked to our treasures and explained that what I had said wasn’t really right. We opened Daddy’s bible together and read about how there is NO condemnation for God’s kids (Romans 8:1), meaning our hearts ARE CLEAN, FOREVER. Our sins are separated as far as the east is from the west (Ps. 103:12)
Sure there’s more to it. More for them to learn and understand. But this is the foundation. If they, if we can’t get this part of it right then the rest is based on a fallacy: a false premise that there’s some kind of score-keeping.

Sometimes Mommies and Daddies don’t get it right either. And when we don’t I am grateful beyond words that my gracious father hears my petitions for him to mother through me. He gently corrects me and shows me His loving faithfulness. Thank you Father that what I mess up, you redeem.

Oh and I like this song much better:

My chains are gone, I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood his mercy reigns
Uneding love
Amazing grace

*I'd like to credit Wayne Jacobsen for his original thinking which contributes to much of my journey! Thank you! http://www.lifestream.org/

"Oh Brother"

As we are approaching the first birthday of my baby boy, I was looking through pictures of his first year.
There are more to come,
but I couldn't resist sharing these:

“Oh Brother Sister, I'm not a mermaid” says my third child, a boy destined to be sensitive and fully educated and aware of every aspect of a woman.

One day he will NOT be impressed with these pictures. One day, he will either roll his eyes and shrug his shoulders or he will be very angry. One day we will all laugh and tease him about the joys of being the little brother.

One day we might show these at his wedding. One day, he'll be all grown up and not let his sisters dress him up. One day, he'll belong to another woman and I will lover her and treat her like my own daughter.

But until then, he's mine.

All mine.

And his too I guess.

Yep, definately his too.

Liar Liar Pants On Fire!

We do our best to teach our children by example. To love them lavishly and to take every opportunity we can to talk about things that are right and wrong, what are good choices and bad, and to say things that build people up and help them rather than things that hurt and tear down.

Lately our kids have been testing the waters of, how shall I say, not always telling the truth. I'm not calling them liars, I think it's pretty normal for kids to discover that not always telling exactly what happened (aka: the truth) can grant them omission from consequences (punsishment). "No, I didn't push her", "It was an accident", "I had it first and she took it from me". It's smart really. They are discovering that they have the power of words. Words to tell stories, and it's our job as parents to teach them what the "truth" is. I mean, let's think about this for a minute: We talk about things that aren't true all the time and call it "fantasy". We make-believe there is really tea in the teapot and guests at our weddings. Barbies can talk and teddy's do drink milk from their mommies. So when you ask a 2 or 3 year old "what happened", it's actually quite normal for them to either embellish (pretend?) or omit (forget?) or plain make up (imagine?).

Then one day the light goes on: "Hey, if I don't tell what I really did, or what really happened maybe, just maybe I won't get a consequence".

This is another reason why it's SO important for us parents to be paying attention. The longer I journey on this road of parenthood, the more aware I am of the fact that being good parents takes a lot of time and a lot of attention. I am not by any means claiming to be a "good parent", I'm simply acknowledging this truth.

For me it's so easy to get caught up in the demands of the day: tasks and chores around the house, phone calls and emails to answer, errands to run. Sometimes parenting these precious little ones can fall low on the list of daily priorties without even realizing it. If we're not paying attention in these crucial formative years, then we will reap what we sow (or don't sow). They will learn quickly that they can get away with things that if we were aware of we would never allow. Be assured that if given the chance they will stuff their face with garbage, they will take toys from other kids, and they might use their hands instead of their words to get what they want.

For me, being a "good parent" means that I have to constantly give myself permission to not wash the floors and play princesses one more time, instead. It means sometimes that my laundry isn't always folded (or more likely not put away), but that I've been a customer at 'Birtchino's' today. I migh not have turned a page in my book for a month, but together my children and I have turned dozens (if not hundreds!). But it's not easy. In fact, it's a battle reminding myself of this CONSTANTLY during the day. I'll never get these years back. Eventually the phone will ring for them. One day they will think my reading to them is cheesey. And oh, how I know I will long for these precious times back. God help me to lavish them with play and gentle correction. Mother through me with grace and enthusiasm. Give me wisdom and discernment to see the heart behind their actions and to teach them well.

So, lying. Yeah, we're aware that they are in a season of learning about telling the truth. And we are grateful to be aware of it and will do our best to teach them well. And as they are learning they are also teaching. I am more aware of how dishonesty creeps into my own life and heart. But that's a whole other blog post for another day!

The Comma

I wish I wrote this. It comes from http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/03/2615/
I hope you enjoy it and appreciate it as much as I did!

One Easter I got into a bit of a yelling match with a guy in a visor at an Easter egg hunt. The whole thing was exactly how Jesus imagined us honoring that day.

We were at my in-laws country club, which always makes me feel a little weird. We’re certainly rich in a global way, but I kind of think that they can all tell that I’m just a visitor. I feel like the real members can smell middle class on me. (Which kind of smells like sun ripened raspberry and feet by the way.)

So after I pointed to where a golden egg was hidden to my 5 year old daughter, he yelled at me for cheating. I told him that his white visor made him look like a financial planner who was wearing his “casual uniform.” Whole thing got very out of hand. (I didn’t say that, but I thought it later when we were driving home, which is where most of my comebacks occur.)

The entire incident was gross. My daughter, who lost a golden egg last year has actually asked not to participate in the Easter egg hunt this year. That’s how messed up and tangled we’ve made this season of our lives.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that one of the things Easter is all about is actually pretty simple. I’ve written about it before and I hope to write about it again.

I’m talking about the “comma of grace.”

I found it in Luke 22. In that chapter, Jesus is being led away. He is headed to the cross. A million prophecies are coming true and chaos is breaking out a little amongst disciples that up to this point have sworn to serve until death. In the midst of that, he pulls Simon aside because he knows that Simon will soon betray him.

He says to Simon in Luke 22:31-32:

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.”

And then, he drops the 9 words that I can’t write about enough. The 9 words that I often turn to when I’ve failed and messed up again and feel hopelessly undeserving of hope.

Jesus tells Simon:

“And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

Do you see what Jesus is saying in that first half of the sentence, And when you have turned back? He’s saying:

You are going to fail.

You are going to fall.

You are going to lose it.

You are going to make commitments and break them.

You are not going to always be the man you family needs.

You are going to sin.

But, but, but, you will turn back.

You will come back. You will know redemption. You will know return. You will know a God that not only allows the “comeback” but actually celebrates it.

When I read the phrase “And when you have turned back,” I read a loud, wild picture of what grace really looks like.

And then, if you go too fast, you’ll miss the comma. You’ll miss the gap that sits quietly between the next thought. You’ll miss it because like me, you might misread the second half of that sentence.

Here’s what it says:

“And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

But here’s how we write it sometimes:

“And when you have turned back, repent for a long time and stay a long way from me until you are clean enough to return to my presence.”

“And when you have turned back, please stay far away from any ministry opportunities. You are too broken to help other people. How can you minister to others when your own life is so messed up?

“And when you have turned back, here are the 57 things you need to do in order to earn back my good favor.”

But Christ doesn’t do that! He drops a comma like a grenade.

He gives us the gift of the comma and then asks us to strengthen our brothers. Not beat ourselves with emotional whips. Or lay in a hole of shame. Or stay to the shadows of church afraid to be seen.

He wants you. In his arms. By his side. Surrendered and free in his presence.

Not because you deserve it or have earned it or are perfect.

Because of Easter.

That’s it.

We all get the comma of grace.