Self-Control (Or Lack Thereof)

Oh why oh why am I so slow to learn?

Slow to anger, slow to speak, why can't I be slow with these things?

I am totally embarrassed at my behavior, so immature, so childlike sometimes.

Last night someone said something to me that I felt was really unfair and unjustified. So I reacted. I jumped down my poor friend's throat and ruined the rest of what had previously been a nice night. I felt stupid and embarrassed at how I over-reacted. Saying something would've been ok, overreacting: not ok. Unable to flip a switch on my emotion I went to bed feeling feeling pretty rotten. Oh, and woke up that way too.

It all comes down to this: self-control. This is a fruit of God's spirit that I know is mine by the rights I have as a child of the King. His spirit is alive in me, and so with that I know and am assured in His word that I bear the same fruit

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
Galations 5:22-23

I find myself struggling over and over again in this area. Sometimes it's not controlling my emotions and reactions, other times it's participating in the gossip. Many times it's not being able to stop at one cinnabon, or half the bag of chips. You know what I'm talking about. A lack of self-control always ends in regret. Oh how I love cinnabons, but I overdue it almost every time. I know that I can't handle two without feeling totally disgusting after. Or this time of year it's chocolate (mini eggs) for most of us. I went through a season in which I refused to be a slave to anything and totally eradicated sugar out of my life. We now have treats every so often, but lately I haven't been able to handle even that.

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Or maybe I'm trying too hard. When I get in a rut like this it's SO easy for me to beat myself up over my mistakes. I focus on them until they consume most of my thinking. That's dangerous.

Wanna know the Truth? I am not perfect (I hear you gasping). I'm dirty and awfully sinful by my nature. I love myself and my flesh wants to satisfy itself alone. That's the yucky weed in me. But this is all very timely for me as we enter into Easter weekend. I know I'm sinful. I know alone I am nothing good. That's why I am so desperate for a Savior. I need to be saved from myself and the ugliness that surrounds me, lingering around like a black smoke seeking to rob and destroy (yes, like in Lost!) all who let it.

But I do the sacrifice of God in Christ, and Christ himself a great injustice when I take it all upon myself. He came to set us FREE, free from the chains that enslave us. Free from sin. Free from darkness!

So I will shift the focus off of myself and on to Christ. I am turning my focus to the cross. To the nail-pierced hands. To the miraculous, saving grace of a merciful, loving Heavenly Father who took my sin upon himself. I bring myself to the cross. I throw down these chains that so easily entangle me. And as I sink my roots down into good soil I know that there is and will living water to nourish me, and that there is and will be fruit on my tree.

Moody Mondays

It's true: Mondays are moody for me. I'm like a little firecracker and totally unpredictable. Some Mondays I wake up ready to get a good start to my week. I'm eager to press the coffee and switch the laundry. Eggs Benny for breakfast? My pleasure!

Other Mondays (and this is the norm. lately), I can barely drag myself out of bed, and the only reason I do is because my kids need fed. I don't shower until the afternoon and call it a "Jammie Day" for everyone (mostly so I don't have to make six trips up the stairs to assist getting dresses down from in the closet for certain little girls who think everyday is the perfect day for a "spinney dress", no wait, make that EVERY spinny dress!). My attempt at doing laundry is seeing how big of a pile I can make, clean or dirty. And I'm ok to just ignore the dishes from Sunday night that didn't get done because we had somewhere to be.

I'm happy, however, to inform you that today has been a productive and already satisfying Monday. And it all started with a shower!

We rarely make cookies containing sugar but once or twice a year we feel is ok (because they get enough junk other places). This week is special, it's Easter. And we want to celebrate it! So here are the girls bakingAnd I'm not sure what is so great about it, but they LOVE to sift!

(and for 2 ½ and 4 years old, they do a pretty good job)

And ROOOOLLLLL out that dough! Roll! Roll! Roll!

These cookies are special also because we are taking them to our special friends tomorrow to decorate together.

Also, Larissa is learning to read! We played the "Alphabet Hunt" game. That's when Mommy hides the letters and the girls find their set. Olivia makes a train, Larissa puts hers in order with such pride.

And how about that ladybug? They love their rain gear. We did have to incorprate a no umbrellas in the house rule though before someone lost an eye.Our moods are powerful. They can soar us high or sink us low. But I'm finding that our will is even mightier. I can let myself feel that blahs that often come with Mondays, or I can choose to make the most of today. To see today as a gift and to enjoy that gift.
It's sure not always easy to change my mood, but I feel encouraged today by the fun we've had. And it's not over, we still have delicious slow-cooked ribs to enjoy before heading out to gymnastics! Full days make me feel great!

Just Junk?

Do we all have a pile like this, or is it just me? I should be honest, don't let my little collection here fool you. These are just a few of the items I pulled out of the jar (it's more like a bowl, with a lid, it's pretty). The truth is I have a whole lot crap in little collection spots all over the house. I really don't think I'm a pack rat, though I do tend to keep rather then throw away (I'm getting better at it though), but when I realized that I have more than one spot for little random things like this I began to wonder why. So I looked at the items and found they all have one thing in common: hope.

I just can't bare to throw things away when I believe that they can still serve a purpose, or can be put back together. Am I weird and twisted? (maybe don't answer that yet). When you look at these things in the picture, what do you see? My husband would say that he sees garbage and would tell me to put it there! But I see an iPod that is filled with life-giving and inspiring messages, songs of love and freedom, joy and celebration. It's company for someone, or a distraction when needed. Ok, so it doesn't turn on, but someone can fix it and then it can still serve it's purpose, be useful, and maybe even a blessing.

Do you see where I might be going with this? I paid for these things, and if I still see purpose in them then they aren't garbage. They are things that are redeemable.

I think at times we all feel like a piece of junk; like we're screw-ups. Sometimes other people treat us like junk, tossing us away or treating us like we mean nothing to them and oh how that hurts. Some of us never recover from it.

But here's the Truth that I know: I am redeemable. Despite all my junk (no not in the trunk, I'd like some junk in the trunk though), and all my brokeness I have been redeemed. And what's more, I am loved and valued and created by the God of the Universe. That's changed me.

I can't even begin to imaging living a life that I didn't feel had some sort of purpose. "Well," you might say "you're a mother. Of course your purpose is to love and raise your children to be contributors to society", and I will agree with you. But why? So that they can grow up, go to school to get a good job to make money so they can spend it and eventually just die? Or leave a "legacy" to a world that will inevitably come to an end as a result of the beating it's taken from all of humanity? Really? Why would I even have kids if I didn't think there was some sort of eternal purpose? See, I HAVE to believe that there is more than this. I don't have a choice or I think I would just kill myself. No, really, why would I want to live in this world without a hope for heaven? It would all just be in vain. All for nothing. Hopeless.

See, one day no matter what, my heart will stop beating. That will be the end of my life, but it will not be the end of me. I'm pretty sure you don't want that to be the end of you either. Does anyone?

So you see, this little collection reminds me that God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings! And he hasn't given up on me, he has saved me through death on a cross, and everyday he is refining me and shaping me. I am a new creation in Him. The old has gone; the new has come.

Likewise, the people that I love are redeemable. The people that I don't really like are redeemable! The people that I walk by in the street that have been labeled junk are just as redeemable and worthy of redemption. You are redeemable. Maybe you already know that, maybe you don't.

We are not junk to him. We are precious, purposeful sons and daughters. Do you hope I'm right?

Falling for Spring

*please note I wrote this yesterday! Today was a pleasant surprise!

Well, this was last week

We loved every second we got at the park and on our bikes enjoying the greatly missed out doors. THIS WEEK ... we refuse to be disappointed and simply decided to pretend it was fall. Knowing that the temperatures would drop again, why not make it enjoyable rather than discouraging (for those of us affected by SAD and if you're very eager for the return of warm weather!). The weather is actually quite similar at these times of the year and this way we feel as though we've had a whole summer of fun in the sun behind us rather than a long winter stuck in doors! Yes, we are playing tricks on ourselves. The mind is a powerful thing!

So, being good Birtches can you guess how we did this?

We began our day with these amazing baked apples, I had to take pictures:
Then add a dollop of yogurt and come to mama!

We also revived our frozen cider in the crockpot, saved for just the right occasion.
We cozied up to grilled apple and cheddar sandwiches.
And who says you can't dirt bike in the house? Not this mommy!

So it's still a little wet and a little cold. I will not be a weather-complainer anymore.
Feel free to hold me to that.
Please.

Embracing the Mess

It's spring, and so you know what that means right? That I have every good intention to tackle the closets, reorganize the kitchen, put away outgrown cloths, sort and give away toys, and *sigh* go through that basket of papers. Clutter drives me crazy.

I like to tell myself that these things wouldn't need to be done if I had more space, more closets, and a garage because of course I would be much more capable to keep this house in order!

But who am I kidding. I have three kids 4 and under. Don't get me wrong, it would help to actually have more than 3 drawers in my kitchen, but the floor would still need swept four times a day!

Someone wise once said, "Trying to clean your house while your children are still growing is like trying to shovel the walkway outside while it's still snowing." I guarantee it was a mother who said it. If you have a life wish list that includes children, sanity and order I'm sorry to tell you but you can only pick two.

I have decided to embrace the clutter and find delight in disarray. This doesn't mean I am lowering my standards, it means I'm choosing not to have any!

My house isn't (usually) dirty, it's just not always tidy. I think there's a difference. I do love clean laundry (put away), my towels folded the same way, books organized and pretty on a shelf, and shoes lined up neatly in a row. But why do I let myself get so bothered by it when they aren't? Or when I take the time to do these things and it last for a mere 4 seconds. So I'm taking this different approach:

When I accept the inevitability that our space will be untidy I am stepping over the Dora Lego and seeing creativity in action. When I have to shuffle my feet through animals and blankets and books to get down the hall I see an adventure that the girls have packed everything they love so dearly to bring with them on. When I climb into bed and find poky princesses and someone's socks I know that they felt close to me, warm and safe whatever they were imagining. Olivia has more friends in her bed then I can count, but they keep her company. And when I see the mountain of books beside Larissa's bed I am seeing a hundred adventures she's been on, some gratefully with me.

One day, not so far off as I sometimes am foolish enough to think, I know the day will come when I will put my books on the shelf and they will stay there, when my dishes will be all done and my laundry will be neatly all put away. But that will be a very sad time for me and for the moment I am perfectly content with my hopeless, joyful clutter. I am very blessed.

Proud Mama

He might not be crawling,

but at 10 months old

this kid is poop'n and pee'n on the potty like a pro!

(Larissa took all these photos!)

Don't hate me, it's not my fault.
Given the choice between changing dirty diapers or having my kids put it in the toilet, I'd rather be looked at a little funny for putting my baby on the potty.

If I hadn't been bowl trained at 6 months old I probably never would've thought of it. But if the kid can sit, why not put him/her on the potty every time you change their diaper? Or if they have a regular bm every day (or so), doesn't it just make sense to start associating the potty with it? So far that's what we've done with all our kids, and so far (fingers crossed) I haven't had to change a diaper for more than 18 months, yucky ones for much more than 10.

In fact, many countries don't even use diapers. Sure they have dirt floors so it's not such a big deal to clean, but they learn the rythms of the little ones and can teach them what to do when it's time to "go". It's really only in these busy societies that "potty training" is something that is "tackeled" and stressed about.

Landon, having two older sisters just thinks it's the greatest thing to be doing something he sees them doing. And now he knows exactly what to do on it.

Forgive me if I'm bragging a little, I do think my baby is a genious. I won't apologize for that!

Going Green and Having Fun

We're not normally "into" St. Patrick's Day. But this year, I couldn't wait to wear green and do kiddy crafts. Take a look at our day... To be festive, Nathan and I sported these oh-so-attractive pajama pants, made by yours truly. (They were in the bottom of the drawer, I didn't go out and make them for this occasion!) Can you guess who is wearing which pair?

And my wonderful Saint of a husband made us brown rice shamrock pancakes! DELISH. If I had had it my way, they would've been green. But Larissa was very worried about this. So worried in fact, that when she went to bed last night she was nervous about waking up to them. "Mommy, please don't make my pancakes green."


They've been waiting to wear these fun hats all week. Here is their debut while fashionably making a work of art.


Larissa gets a real kick from dressing up her doll of a brother. He's very good about it but his expression tells me he knows this hat doesn't make the cool list. The girls made these Shamrocks on Monday. Larrisa did ALL the cutting and gluing herself (Sham on the left). Olivia glued hers and helped me rip the paper. She really wanted to use the scissors but proved to have no patience for them yet. So we ripped. It worked, everyone was happy. They love lady bugs, so they thought it would be appropriate that a ladybug should live on their masterpieces. They were right, it's pretty clever. However, it did resurfaces a grudge Olivia still holds against the neighbour boy who "squashed her ladybug" last summer. What can I say, she found a treasure and he squished it under his shoe right before her eyes. Either Landon will be one sensitive man, or Olivia will learn that squashing bugs can be fun.
I made some "Irish Dip". It was guacamole with some spices and lime. Landon LOVED it!



And then we played outside and enjoyed the sun with our dear friend Lindsay. It was a great day!! Well, until Larissa really started getting hit hard with this bug she's been fighting. Maybe I should call the neighbour's kid to squash it!