"Good Boy/Bad Boy"

Being 'good'.

It's been on my mind a lot lately.

All too often I am hearing a child being told they are a "good boy" or a "bad boy" and something in me cringes.

I know that most of us say things without realizing what it is we're actually saying, believe me, I know I do it all the time! And it's an area I'm working on. Mommies and Daddies: please take my encouragements and hear my love for you and your child!

I know it's not intentional that a lot us parents qualify our child's identity with their behavior, and the truth is that not everyone has an ECE worker for a mother (like yours truly). I credit this sensitivity to her! So in case no one else will ever tell you, please let me!

When your 2 year old isn't listening to you and runs in the opposite direction he is NOT a "bad boy". Yes, his behavior is disobedient and you need to correct him but that's our job as parents, to teach that character of obedience.

When your 3 year old hits another child for not giving them the toy or cookie they want, she is not a "bad girl". Her behavior is certainly bad, but your child is not.

When we call a child bad we are telling them something about who they are as a person. They aren't bad, they are kids and they need to learn and it is our responsibility and privilege to teach them. So teach them well parents. Teach them that they are loved and adored. Teach them that you love them always and that they can be secure in your love. When they behave badly, tell them they are behaving badly but please, please don't tell them that they are bad. Reward good behavior and teach them that bad choices and bad behavior has consequences.

A Pastor that we respect says, "Choose to sin; choose to suffer". Wise.

We tell our kids, "Choose to obey or choose a consequence". They choice is theirs. That empowers them and tells them "Son, I know you're smart." Nagging and threatening our kids tells them we think they're stupid because we have to keep telling them over and over again to do something, or not to do something - and it just frustrates us and them! (Thank you Dr. Kevin Leman for that one)

Let me put it this way: If you didn't meet expectations at your workplace, and your boss came to you and said, "John, you've made some bad business choices. You're workplace is a mess. John, you are a bad person". .... that just doesn't even make sense, does it? Everything in you would probably cry out 'injustice! I am still a good person!'. Your little Johnny, and mine. might feel the same way only they don't have the years or the wisdom to know that, and so they WILL believe they are bad - especially if their Mommy and Daddy are telling them that they are.

Anyways, I'm always learning so much and realizing so many areas where I fall short. I hope I never sound like I think I know it all, because I sure don't. I really want correction in my life, and I really will take all the advice I can get to be the best Mommy I can be! My heart is only to share with you the wisdom I've received and pray that your parenting experience will be a joyful one!