It's Not Just What You Say, But HOW You Say It

C'mon, haven't we all heard that from our Mothers?

It's not just what you say, but HOW you say it.

And don't we all find ourselves repeating the things our Mothers told us? We vow not to, but it's inevitable. And So I have found these words exiting my mouth on several occasions the past little while.

I can't deny the truth in it. I absolutely hate it when someone says my name in a heated discussion. I'm not sure I can explain it well, but something like, "No Paula, that is not what I said". Or "Don't you think you're blowing it a little out of proportin, PAULA". I feel a little roar welling up inside me just thinking about it. I hate it hate it hate it. (That and "relax".)

So now that you know how to really get me going (please don't!), I have had these same words come back to me. Another "ah-ha" moment.

I recently found myself getting very frustrated lately with the kids. The girls naturally have little squabbles and bouts of bickering. They instinctively rip breakables out of their little brother's hand and shout "NO" at him when he's getting into their stuff. And I have been reacting.

I was telling my friend that I was saying all the same things that used to "work" and now didn't. Or when she would offer gracious parenting advice she was suggesting things I was already saying.

And then it hit me. It wasn't WHAT I was saying, it was HOW I was saying it.

Duh. How could I be so ignorant? I'm the pot calling the kettle black. I felt so foolish. My error was obvious and I felt so embarrassed and guilty.

When I had just one, or even two I was much more patient.

But I also had a lot more "free time". The girls napped, allowing me at least 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon to do things. And don't forget that amazing little thing called a morning nap! They were in bed by 7pm. Meals weren't quite so large and eaters weren't quite so 'opinionated', shall we say. Clothes seemed to stay cleaner longer. And I wasn't so tired all the time.

Now, with 3 little ones I am always doing something. I am always busy and so it's become my norm to parent from across the room, or the other room sometimes. My attention is often divided. When I need to I stop and deal with the issues, but my attitude is not compassion, understanding, or gentle. Forgive me Lord. I've gotten too busy. I need to reposition my priorities and focus. Slow down Paula. It's not just what I say, but how I say it. Stop. Squat down. Look in their eyes. Be gentle.

Deep breath.

I am learning. I don't hold the guilt for long. That's not walking in the freedom of Christ that I know is mine. I am sorry, and I am grateful for this revelation and loving correction from my Father. Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord for loving me gently into a better way to love.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1