Silly Blogs, Silly Opinions and Oh, My Apologies

I'm not necessarily calling your blog stupid. Though I might be.

If you ever read my very first blog entry, it was all about why I didn't like blogs. Today I was reminded of that again, except now that I have a blog, I couldn't help but feel a little offended. Stupid blogs.

My friend - who shall remain nameless - is someone I have so much respect for because she doesn't hold back. She speaks her mind, and speaks it without apology. Almost always, I feel so very refreshed after being around her. Probably because she says what I'm thinking, but I'm not going to get in trouble for it! Ha! Even when she says something I don't share the same view about, I come away challenged and thinking; I love that!

I have a constant inward battle of holding my tongue and speaking my mind. I definitely hold some strong opinions, of questioning things that make people uncomfortable to question, of being so very disappointed in the Church and it's leaders, of hating the injustices in our world that so many of us are just plain ignorant to or chose to do absolutely nothing about.

So many times I begin to write, but never post it because of who might read it and if I will be offending them or not. But I want to be true to who I am, to the journey that I am on (Nate and I), and the things we are thinking, feeling, questioning, exploring. Why should I care if someone is offended (as long as I'm not being offensive)? Can't we hold an opinion too? (Opinions, my friend once said, are like butt holes: everyone's got one and thinks everyone else's stinks! lol So true, isn't it?)

Let me be clear though: I am very open to the idea that I am wrong about things. Really! Having kids has humbled me greatly. There was a lot I thought I knew all about when I had Larissa and now realize I didn't have a clue! A good life-lesson. So I will never claim to be completely set in something (even if at the time I feel or think that I am!).

I'm also the wife of someone who plays a leadership role at our church. What would people say if we expressed feelings and questions we had about it all? (Don't worry, we've been honest with the Pastor - as much as he's interested in hearing and discussing anyways.) See - then I wouldn't really be building people up, even if I'm not saying anything negative, the truth is that for some, to question things or a way of doing them that has never been questioned before would just cause disunity and distention - two things that I never want to be a part of! But questioning the "norm" always causes some to be upset. Hey, that's what my Jesus was all about - upsetting the religious guys! So if it gets people thinking a little ....

I don't know, I have this fantasy where I'm this quiet, meek, mild, amazing little wife. Much like Carolyn Ingills (Little House on the Prairie's "Ma"). I just do the mom thing, am a good friend, and only speak my mind when absolutely necessary. It's this little life where I talk only to God about my thoughts and opinions because I don't want to negatively affect anyone else. But.... But... But....

So, back to blogging: this friend said she didn't read blogs of mothers because, well, they're braggy. I agree 100000% and there are certain blogs I don't read because I feel like they are very much showing off. I don't read them and feel encouraged, I feel like what I'm doing isn't enough. Yuck. And though that isn't the intention of the writers I'm sure, it is what it is.

But I can't help but feel a little guilty. Have I posted things about our kids and things they do? Yes. Am I a proud Mama? Absolutely.
Could that all come off as me bragging? Certainly it could and probably does.
Do I post pictures about how in love with my children I am? Yep, guilty as charged. Do I do that because I want everyone else to think that? Definitely not, but of course compliments are nice, I'm just honestly not seeking them out.

She also said that she celebrates the ordinary. Her kids, she said, aren't the most beautiful, or intelligent (her words, not mine! I think her kids I have met are in fact nice looking, and more importantly beautiful people, like she is). But she celebrates them.

I told her she should blog about it.

But if she blogged about how her kid works at Timmy's and how she is proud of him/her (I don't know who it is), then that's awesome. To her, her kid is amazing and should be celebrated. If she wrote about it, could it come across as braggy? Maybe. That's probably why she doesn't! lol

I would just like to take a moment and say that I am sorry if you've ever read my blog and felt I was bragging. I sure haven't meant to.

I'd like to explain that part of the reason I wanted to blog about our kids and their activities is because we are choosing to home school for the next year at least, and we have a lot of friends and family who are teachers and well, might have negative opinions about it. So this past year I wanted to show that school at home can be engaging, wonderful, creative, purposeful and "successful". It's also a good way for family and friends who are far away to keep in touch and updated. You know, like instead of that once a year Christmas update/newsletter (which I NEVER get around to writing!) it's a click away to see what we've been up to.

And I want to express myself and my journey - but have been afraid to. So I've kept it a little more surfacey. But I'm thinking that might change soon. So if in blogs-to-come I offend you, please know that I don't mean to. I'm just on a journey too and want to perhaps begin sharing that with others. But not because I need to feel validated, but because that's how we can grow - by discussing. By disagreeing and debating, and questioning, and exploring the uncomfortable or the unknown. Let's just do it respectfully.