It's been occuring for, well, my whole life. My journey in knowing God through the person of Jesus, what it means to know Him as my friend, my Father, my Provider. And I'm still on that journey and forever will be. That's the beauty of relationship.
In more recent years, my journey has been mostly focused on the Church and wondering what it is exactly, and what it "should" look like. It's raised all kinds of unomfortable questions, we've had plenty of frustrations, we've felt guilt in our questioning at times, and quite honestly we've been trough seasons of being critical and judgemental while working through our frustration. I have wondered if we're being rebellious and seeking validation in conversing with others or if we're truly being led by the Spirit away from something we feel trapped by into something we feel liberated in. Yes, it's been a journey full of ups and downs of all kinds. I look back at the last 5 years or so and am grateful for all of it because I know it was necessary for us and am grateful for the Lord's grace in it all!
Now we feel quite at peace with what we believe. We no longer look for validation in other's oppinions, and are confident that our God will continue to lead us.
I should say that if you are happy with the status quo of organized religion, that you may not want to read further. My hope is not to anger anyone but to share my heart, and just because we may see the beautiful, incredible Church differently I hope it will not estrange us!
To me, the Church is not some place we go, but something that we are. As far as organized religion and the institutional church go, Body Life is often defined by/as those who gather on Sunday morning for a praise concert and inspirational talking-to and "doing life together" in a small group setting.
I'm not saying this is wrong, just to be clear. Some Churches exist in this manner and do authentic, relational body life together really well! True fellowship is people sharing the journey of knowing Jesus, not going to the same event every week. It is where the acting Leaders aren't playing the politics game and running a business but are true servants. These churches are focused more on following Christ and being obedient to him than building a mega-church. I make no apologies for my disappointment with organized Christianity. It saddens me that many church leaders equate church attendace with their affectiveness for Christ in the world. Going to church and following Christ are not the same, and let's just stop treating them like they are. Are "against" mega churches? Of course not. And I can never judge the heart of the leaders! (In my experience that's never been an issue.) I just don't believe that all churches are called to be so large. Should we experience some kind of growth? Of course, but not necessarily in numbers that attend a gathering!
For example, a small church with only 50-100 people that hasn't "grown" in years might be experiencing an ever-depening relationship with God and real commitment to one another in love. This same church may also be doing a lot of good for those in their communities, cities, the world. Let us never equate size with effectiveness! I heard a Pastor say once, "If we will be faithful in depth, God will be faithful in breadth". How refreshing.
I'm not trying to be devisive here, and for those of you who attend Church I am not condemning you! Some Churches have a great thing going, and by all means, if you're experiencing the things I've been talking about, then praise God! I just want liberation from the stress and demands of most institutions. There's a reason why 80% of the people do 20% of the work! And I am honestly saddened and hurt by being treated, often, like a worker-bee.
Am I reacting out of hurt? I don't think so. Sure I've had to deal with experiences that have hurt me, but we all get hurt in relationships!
It's obvious that we all have different styles, different needs and different ways to serve and express. Wherever you are, look to be in deep fellowship with other believers and be your part however Jesus calls you to do that."Perhaps all of us have experienced some measure of pain as we have tried to fit God's life into nstitutions. For a long time most of us hung in there hoping if
we tweaked a few things it would get better.
Though we could be successful in limited ways during moments of renewal, we also discovered that eventually the conformity an institution demands and the freedom people need to grow in Christ
are at odds with one another. It has happened with virtually every group formed throughout the history of Christianity." (Jake Colsen)
Please don't think that just because you attend a meeting means that you are experiencing true life in Christ and fellowship with others.
Ultimately what matters most to me is not where or how we/others meet, but whether or not people are focused on Jesus and really helping each other on the journey to becoming like him. Meetings are less the issue here than the quality of relationships.
I'm looking for people to share life with and deepen my faith and grow with. And I hope to play that role for others God brings my way.
And there is just a peice of my heart!
3 comments:
I think you expressed this very well Paula. And it is because of people like you who desire Jesus and to see Jesus in His church, that He will work through it, and bring what might be lacking.
Father God please Bless Paula and her husband as they seek to follow your path and lead their children.
How refreshing! I've been frustrated with many of these same things for years, and it's hard not to feel rebellious and guilty when it seems that everything inside you is fighting against what most people seem to be fine with. Thanks for sharing.
I have been totally happy to outright say I am being rebellious -- against churches, not God. For a while I was rebellious against God, but I realized that I was missing God and only seeing the man-made institutions. It continually astounds me when people are surprised I am a Christian -- not because I lead a sinful lifestyle, but in that people have said to me (basically), "how can a smart, educated person like you buy into religion?" The herd mentality that so many Christians fall into is what makes non-Christians so often disregard our faith as a waste of time or a crutch for the stupid and weak. I think it is important for Christians to follow their hearts, go against the grain and show people that being Christian doesn't mean being part of a herd and not thinking. If that's rebellion, oh well!
Post a Comment